Loss
by chibijem
Summary: Yuki wonders if he gave up everything for nothing. Set in the anime timeline after episode 14.


Loss

by

Chibijem

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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters herein and am making no financial gain from this work of fiction.

A/N: This story takes place in the anime timeline after episode #14, right after the contest and concludes after they sign with Jupiter Records. This story idea has been at the back of my mind for months and did not come out quite the way I had planned. I hope you enjoy it.

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Todo Yukifumi sat in the concert hall pondering **/\**ucifer's next move. _Second place,_ he thought with an inward sigh. _My fault, all my fault. If I had just stayed in Tokyo, not gone to Kyoto._ He was angry with himself and his indecisiveness. He looked up when Towa nudged him, motioning that everyone was leaving. "Gomen ne, Towa," he began. "Minna," he added when he saw everyone looking at him and waiting. He followed the others into the lobby; he was at a loss as to what to do. He watched as Atsuro and his parents stood talking; he was happy for the young, red haired guitarist. _He has his family again,_ Yuki thought with a sad smile.

Yuka walked over to them, "It's not the end of the world. Let's go get some coffee, my treat." She suggested.

Yuki was walking with the rest of the members of the band; it had been decided to go on a national tour. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, he never noticed the other members going off, agreeing to meet the next day for practice. He smiled and waved each of them off.

Towa studied the lead guitarist, noticing how Yuki's smile didn't reach his eyes and how preoccupied he was. "Something is wrong." He said softly, watching traffic go by.

"We didn't win." Yuki replied, resting his arms on his guitar case. When Towa just looked at him, he sighed. "I left Noh," he admitted.

"Yuki," the bassist was shocked. Noh was, or had been, Yuki's life; he had trained all his life for it. He also knew what that short confession meant: Yuki was no longer welcome in his own home. "You are welcome to stay with me."

"Atsuro?"

"His parents came to see him; he's going home."

"Aa, that's good. He needs them." Yuki agreed. He turned his gaze to the blonde. "Arigato, Towa. Gomen ne for the imposition."

"That's what friends are for." Towa smiled.

* * *

Towa slipped out of bed and quietly padded to the figure standing next to the window, watching the rain. "Yuki?" He had noticed how quiet the other man had been since returning to the apartment. His mood had almost become morose after calling his parent's home. He had caught bits and pieces of the short,

business-like conversation and wondered how Yuki had developed into such a caring and compassionate man.

"Gomen ne, Towa. I couldn't sleep." Yuki studied the view, so much different from the garden view outside his bedroom at home. _Only, it's not home anymore,_ he leaned his head against the glass. "I think I'll go out for a walk."

"Yuki, it's alright to feel sad and even angry."

"Second place. If I hadn't gone to Kyoto..."Yuki lifted his head and turned to look at Towa. "It's my fault; by going to the Noh conference, I put everyone under so much stress. I forced Atsuro to take on my parts as well as his own. Everyone had to learn new arrangements."

Towa could see his friend working himself into a frenzy, "Yuki! Calm down; it's no one's fault. We played perfectly, our performance was flawless." He grasped Yuki's strong forearms. "It's not our music; the problem lies elsewhere. It's not within us."

Yuki took a deep, cleansing breath. "Hai," he murmured. "I guess we'll find it along the way during our 'tour'."

"We will," Towa agreed with a smile. He went into the kitchen and put on a kettle for tea. "Will you need some help getting your things from your parents' home?"

"There isn't much; my clothes, discs, some other bits and pieces." Yuki relayed. "Not much to show for a life," Yuki commented sadly. "I can't have given up everything for nothing, Towa." He said gazing out at the rain soaked city. "He knew how I felt, he knew it even before we left for Kyoto. Why did I let him do it?! Why couldn't he just accept it...accept me?" Yuki leaned his forehead against the cool glass, the flood of words and emotions about his father draining him. Sighing, he moved to sit at the small table.

"I think parents only want the best for their children, what they perceive as best; wanting to protect is a powerful instinct, Yuki." Towa answered from the kitchenette. He leaned against the doorway, "Give your father some time; he's probably worried about the path you and the rest of us are on. Your parents, anyone's parents, don't want to see their children struggle. The odds are astronomically high against us, but we **_will_** make it. We all feel it." Towa finished, carrying the tea to the table. "If you don't mind the company, I'd like to go with you when you pick up your things." Towa told him, handing him his tea. "When you finish your tea, try and get some rest, alright?" He laid a hand on one of Yuki's broad shoulders; at his nod, Towa headed back to bed.

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"Ne, Towa? Is Yuki alright?" Atsuro asked as they were standing in front of the vending machines in the practice studio.

Towa studied the older guitarist in question as he talked on the phone just outside the doors; Yuki was pacing which was so unlike him. "He broke away from Noh." He replied softly, hoping he wasn't betraying a confidence..

"Honto?" The red head turned to gaze at the amethyst haired man. "Will he be okay?"

"Mmmm, I think so. He just needs some time." Towa smiled at Atsuro, happy the young musician was back at home. Atsuro looked as if a great weight had been lifted from him.

Santa and Sakuya exited the practice room and overheard the conversation. "He can stay with me," Santa offered, knowing Towa liked his peace and quiet.

"Iie, he's fine." Towa said. "If it had been you, no way." Towa teased softly.

Santa let out a quiet laugh, "You've got me there." He ran a hand through his hair. "He's got to be feeling lost."

"He'll manage." Sakuya added, pulling a can of coffee out of the vending machine. "He's made his choice."

"You..." Santa turned on the singer, anger coloring his face.

"I have and I'll see it through." Yuki said, joining them. "Are we done for today?"

"Hai," Atsuro replied for the rest of the members. "Are we meeting at the music shop?" They had been debating where to meet to leave for their tour.

"We have some time yet to decide." Yuki replied. He turned when a taxi honked it's horn. "I'm going to my parents' house to get my things." He explained, picking up his guitar case; Towa joined him.

"Yuki, if you need anything or just want to talk." Santa offered. He had known Yuki the longest and knew his friend had to be hurting.

"Arigato, Santa." Yuki smiled sadly.

* * *

Towa watched as Yuki had unpacked. He had been shocked when they had arrived at the Todo house. He had expected having to wait as Yuki gathered his things but they found Yuki's things under the overhang outside the main doorway. He had watched Yuki as they loaded his things and saw deep grief wash over the handsome man. There had been no contact with anyone in the house; only a note attached to one suitcase saying to contact the household if anything had been forgotten. As the cab had pulled away, Towa had noticed an older woman peering through the fence, sadness etched into her face.

He looked over as he heard a depressed sigh and saw Yuki sitting on the floor staring out the window with his guitar resting across his long legs. He sat in his chair, took out his bass and began polishing it. He knew Yuki would talk when he was ready. He waited maybe fifteen minutes.

"How did you do it?" Yuki asked, wanting to know Towa's secret on how he lived with the decision to leave home.

"My circumstances were different than yours. Music was all I loved. I had to leave to breathe." He began, setting his bass aside. "You have been trained for Noh all your life and you enjoy it; you have more conflict. But you have made your choice, Yuki. A hard one and right now the wound is fresh. Give yourself some time to deal with the emotions and the new surroundings you find yourself in." Towa finished.

"When I was in Kyoto, I knew **/\**ucifer was it for me. As much as I love and respect Noh and my family, music is my heart. When I saw my father after the performance, I could feel he knew my decision before I said a word." Yuki looked at Towa and their eyes met. "I've been banned, disowned."

"I know." Was the soft reply.

"And we lost the competition. Did I do it all for nothing?"

"Iie, our path has just changed. We'll make it, Yuki. I know it, you have to as well. Santa calls you our leader. Lead and we'll follow you."

Hearing the conviction in those words lifted his heart. "Hai. Arigato Towa."

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Yuki followed Towa into the apartment; they had just come from signing the contract with Jupiter Records. Towa sank into the chair with a sigh and a smile.

"Hard to believe." The blonde bassist mused, watching as Yuki gracefully sank onto to floor. "We made it."

"Hai," Yuki's smile lit up the room. He looked out the window at the bright blue sky. "It wasn't for nothing." He said to himself. "No longer a dream."

FIN


End file.
